Why We Fight (Part 7)

It's been a little while since I've updated the blog because of life being, well, life and I'm going to jump back in with this diatribe. The blog has been visited by a lot of old high school friends and so I figure I should keep this active lest they think the information is outdated or invalid.

This post came out of how I felt after writing my article on anger and why I felt that it was a misrepresented emotion. I began to think about the way I view the world and how it has changed in the past few years. The biggest change has been that I've stopped needing validation from others and stopped needing to connect with people. I don't care about what most people have to say.

That sounds harsh and really assinine, but I think it's important I explain what I mean. In general, we all know that I care about people because they're human beings and I believe they deserve to have someone fight for them. I'm not saying I'm some great guy, but I do want to spend the rest of my life fighting to make this world safer and brighter for every single person on this Earth because they all deserve. You must become the change that you wish to see in the world. Also, in general, people tend to make conclusions based on a lack of information and operate from a comfortable ignorance. I'm not the smartest guy and I know that I have my own ignorance in certain matters, but I'm frustrated when people make conclusions about me based on a lack of information or generalizations (particularly when they bring out the oh-so-great strawman arguments, taking a point of mine to the extreme). In my daily job, I interact with hundreds of people and all view me differently, for better or worse, and I respect their right to form their own opinion. I don't much care if someone likes or dislikes me as long as they take the time to learn about me so that they're opinion is informed. If I forget to say "hi" one day or smile at the right time, that shouldn't be used to condemn me- there are reasons for their actions. But if they're going to judge me based on a situation that may have nothing to do with them (I could be busy doing, oh I don't know, my job?) then I have no choice but to deem their opinion invalid. I'll try to figure out why they're condemning me- or as people are want to do in workplaces, gossip about me- and deal with the situation in a reasonable manner, but if that doesn't succeed, I won't sweat it. If someone is going to make a decision about me without a reasonable amount of facts, then I can't worry about it- they're ignorant and I can shout till my throat hurts, but their head will still be in the sand.

Society is constantly telling us that we will feel better if we're validated by those around us and if we find those deeper connections. We need someone else to tell us we're beautiful. We need someone else to tell us that we're good. We need someone else to make us happy. Everything positive in the mainstream is based around the idea that we need someone else to bring about the joy within us and ignite those fires. Now I do believe in having close friends & family, expressing love and affection to those we truly care about, but people drift apart and people change. I don't believe that someone else needs to tell us what we should be able to see in our own reflection. Humans may have a need for companionship, but we don't need someone to run our lives- we just need someone there to support us and bring that light into our lives. I think we've all been brainwashed to think that we always need to lean on someone for all our decisions and make sure people in our lives agree with us.

I don't agree with that. I don't believe that, for example, I'm beholden to the perspective of my co-workers beyond the fact that I need to show basic respect. This isn't a comment on the merits of any one person's views, but a personal rejection of the notion that I should be constantly concerned- "worried"- about how someone else will see me if I'm working with good intent and not harming others.

We're all people with the ability to make decisions and to act on our own. We have out own beliefs, our own sense of morality and our own ability to make our dreams real. Now keep in mind I'm not talking about actions that purposely hurt others or negate the concerns of those around us, but do you really need someone's permission to do what you think is right? No. How often do you see fights in a club and no one intervenes to try and help? We're all so scared of action because we've been trained to need a little Jimmeny Cricket telling us what to do. We've all been trained to need the approval of others, so when that crowd is cheering for a fight and we know that it's wrong, we're scared to act. We're scared to do what is right.

I was thinking about the NAVY and all the reasons it meant- and still does mean- so much to me. In previous "Why We Fight" posts I've covered why it was so important to me, but there's one point I want to bring up in a quotation from the television show "Angel": "Heroes don't accept the world the way it is. They fight it." This choice to join the military was not popular with those I love. It wasn't something they embraced the way they embraced my other ambitions, such as the book I'm trying to sell right now or my quest to be a cop. This time... that didn't bother me. I knew what I had to do and I embraced it with all my being. I blazed my own trail and didn't look back. This was the first time in my life I truly accepted the man inside of me and bared it to the world with no fear, no second thoughts and no indecision. I was reborn.

When I was younger, I spent so much time wanting my friends to approve of everything in my life, from the girls I liked to the television I watched. I never wanted to do anything that conflicted with their world view because I was scared to embrace my perspective because then there'd be an ideological conflict. Then I'd have to defend my views and perhaps lose friends out of it or resolve conflict. I wanted so badly to connect with those around me that I twisted myself in every direction to try and fit. It never worked and I never understood why till now- I wasn't real. Without being me and true to the soul inside, I was never going to connect with another person because they had nothing to connect with except a facade that was so fluid that it could change at a moment's notice. I needed the validation of others because I was so afraid that I was too different from other people. I was afraid that they wouldn't understand. After all these years, I've realized that we all feel this way at some point and it's human nature to a certain degree, but society has cultivated an environment in which this facade is not only acceptable, it is also encouraged. I'm not passing blame onto anyone else- I'm a part of the world and if I am a slave to convention out of ease rather than belief, then I am part of the problem.

It's important to have people in our lives who give us the passion to fight harder and smarter. It's important to respect those around us and treat them as we'd like to be treated. However, at some point in our lives, we have to decide who we are and bare that part of us to the world so that they can see the heart inside of us, the real person that wants out. If we aren't honest about that and worry more about the thoughts of others, no one will ever be truly happy, because that's all any of us can be- no one- if we're not honest about the passion inside of us. The ability for us to be so different is our greatest strength because diversity breeds discussion and it breeds unique experiences- both expand our horizons and allow us to proceed with a more intelligent world view.

Coming Soon:
- an article on "All My Children"
- an article on "Angel"
- a "shout out" to some high school friends who've brought back some good memories