Why We Fight
Due to circumstances of late, I'm wondering- at what point are we forced to compromise our goals, whether it be due to tempering our dreams with reality or fate knocking us down?
If one has a goal that they hold onto, that is entirely realistic and encompasses the sum of all one's ambition, what does one do if that dream is extinguished from reality? It's rare that we ever get a chance to truly embrace the fires bruning inside us and when we do... I doubt we ever have enough time to revel in the sweet embrace of destiny. Or at least that moment where everything feels right.
The happiest memory of my life is when I did my firefighter test years ago. At the risk of being arrogant, I aced it, but that wasn't what made the experience so special- it was the fact I was part of something larger and that every moment I was in the class, being trained or working on aspects of my test, I was working towards the greater good of this world. I was living my dream with every breath. I've worked to recapture that ever since. And why not? I achieved that moment of happiness we all long for and I'd be silly to not aspire to make every moment of my life like that.
The fates have conspired to keep my latest plans from coming to fruition and the thing is, those plans felt perfect- there was no doubt in my mind. The rest of my life was planned. As I prepared myself for my service in the coming future, I could feel the person inside of me waking up from too long a slumber and feeling the sun shine down on him for the very first time. Now it feels like a dream of something that can never be, something that will always be the "that is where I should be" kind of moment that carries with me.
If I'm right and that path was encompassing everything I wanted from life- the physical, spiritual and altruistic aspects- then how will I be happy with whatever I do now? Perhaps I'm being a tad bratty or unrealistic, but there's a high purpose for us all and I believe I'm acutely aware of mine, though my every attempt to embrace those goals on a larger scale seems to fail.
No matter how I move forward in my life, I won't be doing what I truly want to be doing- it'll be second place. I think of a career like marriage- you gotta wait for the perfect woman or when she comes along, you'll realize your marriage is nothing but a consolation prize.
I want to make a difference. I want to fight the good fight. But if I can't do that the way I want, then what's left for me to do? Am I living my life then, if I'm "settling" for a career that I can't love with all my heart?
Now this latest venture didn't fail because of me per se- I scored 99% or higher on every test I took. I was ready for all the future training, even better physically and mentally than is expected. But things just happened and now I can't pursue that path. That big life plan of mine is no longer viable.
Ironically enough, I've never had more career options in front of me then now and many of them offer excellent pay in a short while. But I'm not able to grasp those opportunities because I know I just stared my destiny, my path to happiness, straight in the face and it turned its back on me. I am lucky, I am blessed and have two of the best friends I could ask for in the form of my friends Jamie & Arthur. I'm not meaning to complain about my life- I've got a good one- but I'm trying to understand the intense anger inside me everything I take that leap and try to be something more.
There's a line in the "Batman Begins" trailer where Liam Neeson's character says something to the effect of, "If you want to become more than a man... if you embrace an ideal... you become something else entirely" and I do believe that. I believe it doesn't require us all to be Superman to embrace our ideals. But I do believe that for me, I need to be in the service of the public, fighting the good fight every moment of my day and working on the largest scale I can.
There are a lot of ways to make a difference in the world. From simply being a good boss who provides a great working environment to the doctor working her butt off in the ER, goodness and greatness come together in many unique combinations. But my problem isn't that I don't know how to most effectively give back to this world or that I don't know why I'm fighting.
My problem is that nothing in this world seems to want me to be that man.
If one has a goal that they hold onto, that is entirely realistic and encompasses the sum of all one's ambition, what does one do if that dream is extinguished from reality? It's rare that we ever get a chance to truly embrace the fires bruning inside us and when we do... I doubt we ever have enough time to revel in the sweet embrace of destiny. Or at least that moment where everything feels right.
The happiest memory of my life is when I did my firefighter test years ago. At the risk of being arrogant, I aced it, but that wasn't what made the experience so special- it was the fact I was part of something larger and that every moment I was in the class, being trained or working on aspects of my test, I was working towards the greater good of this world. I was living my dream with every breath. I've worked to recapture that ever since. And why not? I achieved that moment of happiness we all long for and I'd be silly to not aspire to make every moment of my life like that.The fates have conspired to keep my latest plans from coming to fruition and the thing is, those plans felt perfect- there was no doubt in my mind. The rest of my life was planned. As I prepared myself for my service in the coming future, I could feel the person inside of me waking up from too long a slumber and feeling the sun shine down on him for the very first time. Now it feels like a dream of something that can never be, something that will always be the "that is where I should be" kind of moment that carries with me.
If I'm right and that path was encompassing everything I wanted from life- the physical, spiritual and altruistic aspects- then how will I be happy with whatever I do now? Perhaps I'm being a tad bratty or unrealistic, but there's a high purpose for us all and I believe I'm acutely aware of mine, though my every attempt to embrace those goals on a larger scale seems to fail.
No matter how I move forward in my life, I won't be doing what I truly want to be doing- it'll be second place. I think of a career like marriage- you gotta wait for the perfect woman or when she comes along, you'll realize your marriage is nothing but a consolation prize.
I want to make a difference. I want to fight the good fight. But if I can't do that the way I want, then what's left for me to do? Am I living my life then, if I'm "settling" for a career that I can't love with all my heart?
Now this latest venture didn't fail because of me per se- I scored 99% or higher on every test I took. I was ready for all the future training, even better physically and mentally than is expected. But things just happened and now I can't pursue that path. That big life plan of mine is no longer viable.
Ironically enough, I've never had more career options in front of me then now and many of them offer excellent pay in a short while. But I'm not able to grasp those opportunities because I know I just stared my destiny, my path to happiness, straight in the face and it turned its back on me. I am lucky, I am blessed and have two of the best friends I could ask for in the form of my friends Jamie & Arthur. I'm not meaning to complain about my life- I've got a good one- but I'm trying to understand the intense anger inside me everything I take that leap and try to be something more.
There's a line in the "Batman Begins" trailer where Liam Neeson's character says something to the effect of, "If you want to become more than a man... if you embrace an ideal... you become something else entirely" and I do believe that. I believe it doesn't require us all to be Superman to embrace our ideals. But I do believe that for me, I need to be in the service of the public, fighting the good fight every moment of my day and working on the largest scale I can.
There are a lot of ways to make a difference in the world. From simply being a good boss who provides a great working environment to the doctor working her butt off in the ER, goodness and greatness come together in many unique combinations. But my problem isn't that I don't know how to most effectively give back to this world or that I don't know why I'm fighting.
My problem is that nothing in this world seems to want me to be that man.
posted by Arune Singh at
6:56 PM
